Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
