guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
