it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
