Dual....:-)
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
