I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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