Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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