You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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