Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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