I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
