I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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