My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize