508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
