Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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