im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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