He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
