make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
