Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
