I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
