It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize