I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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