I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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