hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
