Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Even the bartender felt bad for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.