fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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