It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus