I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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