dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list