did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could fuck to npr.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!