A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
