do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
