"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How does one acquire holy water?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
