he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
