There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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