put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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