I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
