the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
