I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize