After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
