This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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