Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
