so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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