ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize