Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
