Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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