just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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