He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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