I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
