P.S. I can't hear my feet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
