smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
