I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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