The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
cat food counts as protein by the way
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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