I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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