dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
