I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
