I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
