your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
