Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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