Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
