Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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