Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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