I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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