I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
