I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
