i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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